I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
