All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
