I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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