mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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