There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's blow job season.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
