My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
