**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize