I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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