Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
