okay pat passed out under dana's car
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
