i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
