Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
