Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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