Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize