I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do vagina's smell?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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