I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
