When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
