Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
