Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
