Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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