chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
