sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
