how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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