and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
