If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This house was built for laser tag.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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