yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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