i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
