dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
