im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
