is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize