Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
