Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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