somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
