oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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