Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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