And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
