oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drunk is not a location!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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