Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
