Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
