You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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