I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
