eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
