Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think your dad took our porno
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
