when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
