Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
