I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
