I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
