We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
