You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
