I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
