omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize