What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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