I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
