he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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