need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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