Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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