i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
