like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
