I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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