Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
