I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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