I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he puts the penis in happiness.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You made out with two different species that night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
