...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
