Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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