i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
