On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
