Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
