i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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