The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
