Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
