he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm eating all of the evidence.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
