We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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