I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
