The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
