I accidentally burped into my bong.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
